Besides everything, it’s still you

Recently, I finished my last and final attempt at drawing my main OC, Alexandrite, character sheet, which you can see here on Instagram, Twitter, or Tumblr; as I mentioned in my post, these drawings feel like the end of a long process but also the start of a new journey.

I created my boy Alex not too long after I started reading the My Hero Academia manga. I watched the first season, I didn’t want to wait until the second season, which gave you a sign of how hype, and invested I was in the story. I was so hyped, plus not only my long-time friend (who ended up helping me to solidify my OC story), but an Internet friend I used to talk to a lot was also really into Horikoshi’s story; I had time, the depression hadn’t hit as hard as it would later, and I have recently acquired my first screen tablet. Everything was set up for me to come back to the world of fandom ocs. I hadn’t visited since Yu-Gi-Oh! And Tokyo Ghoul (my previous big hyperfocus).

Alex was meant to be the opposite of All Might, one of my favorite characters. Someone with a strong will, idealistic, a dreamer with a better world, but an extremist, someone ready to take violent actions, thinking everything was worthy. That freedom was worth the many sacrifices. At first, he was just The Show Man, a prominent terrorist constantly hiding his face, with a following of people as extremist as him; I planned them to met when All Might was during his prime in the USA, being my OC clearly younger than him, the hero would helped into subjugating his reign, with some members dying while others hiding for years until the main timeline started so he’d make a comeback, this time in Japan, allying himself with the League of Villains.

With that set up in mind, the main aspects of my OC, those still existing in his design, came to life:

Name: Alexandrite is a type of gem that shines red or green depending on the light. I wanted to represent with that how his ideals could look depending on the eye, for some, a psychopath, to others, a hero; that same idea translated with his personality, someone who can love and hate with the same strength, with no middle ground.

The feminine/androgynous appearance: as a terrorist, he was constantly hiding himself. I thought that for a man, the best way to hide was to fake being a woman. I tried to make it as credible as possible, so he was first a short, quiet, androgynous man who happens to like feminine clothing. (he’s now taller but still short compared to other OCs -sigh-) I kept it because it came to be so part of his design that I was unable to imagine him different.

There’s no reason for him being gay outside of me, as a bisexual woman, wanting a gay OC.

I worked on him until I started to lose my interest in the manga, something around the time Shigaraki Tomura gained AFO, with Stars and Stripes being the character that officially killed the story for me; since I was really fond of Alex, I tried to keep his story as something totally original. At first, I tried to keep the ‘terrorist’ part this time against a big pharmaceutical corporation that was trying to reach an ancient god; they kidnapped kids, forced them into painful experiments, and so those survivors under Alex’s guidance gain the power to start that war.

The story didn’t last long, not because I didn’t like it (I even had a name for that god and its avatars, plus more than 15k words written). But because depression, unemployment, and family issues hit me like a fucking truck. With that precarious state of mind, I couldn’t find myself able to continue with that story, not even drawing; later, I got an underpaid job that at first seemed pretty good before killing myself (I actually had decided if I didn’t get that job, I was going to give up, permanently). However, sometimes I think about him, sometimes I wish to draw him, and I realized that at the time Alex represented that part of me that was constantly angry at the world; a part of me that yearned for freedom.

During that horrible job, I tried to twist the idea: I wanted to be ambitious, like a manga artist, but with less desire to live. I created a whole world where the beings called gods were eldritch beings/aliens born from a dying star, then those creatures chose a plane to create life; sadly, our god was usurped by another one and started an endless cycle of different civilizations destroying themselves when our god got bored. During each cycle, god created his ‘sons’, mixing eldritch beings born from with humans, which Alex happens to be the last one of them, deciding to take vengeance for him and those fallen, protect his loved ones, and ascend to godhood.

Yeah, it was a damn edgy shonen.

In full honesty, I liked the idea. I still like it. But it was too complicated. I never found the time to work on it, to put into words/art the different character designs I had planned in my mind. It frightened me to reach my 40s or my 50s without progressing on that idea.

And then, a couple of months ago, while I was debating myself again, and again Valkora was born.

What is Valkora? Well, Valkora RPG, is my friend and I role-play forum. She started the idea, and I gladly joined her in this new project. We worked together on the worldbuilding, set up, and fantasy aspects. I created a version of my last idea to fit into the forum, started roleplaying, and the idea just fit perfectly. The thing is I don’t want to create a shonen story, I enjoyed shonen mangas, I watched shonen anime but I do not want to create one because I don’t identify with that set up, I want the comfort only an adult can feel, because that’s what I’m, I want to see someone healing from his own mistakes with some fantasy, our worldbuilding let me work on all of that.

It became my new lore, the definitive lore for a character that has been with me at my best and my worst. Like a friend, or a child. I’d have to admit I already think about how to spice it a little with the mysterious things I still like (oh god, oh god, I’d work on you again), but the world is created, and the design finally satisfies me. Alexandrite felt whole, finally, unique, like himself, like the first time I created him with the best part: he doesn’t depend on someone else’s story, he’s mine, my character, my kid, my world (share with a long-term friend/best friend who truly appreciates and trusts).

And this is it, for now!

My plans now are to rebuild my OC Shrine (and this site), so his real new lore can be reflected there with my drawings. Also, I want to write one-shots with him as the protagonist, besides more art. A lot of work to do!